2007 MTV Movie Awards

The start of summer brings many things: some good and some bad.  One event that can never decide which it will be is the annual movies awards show put on by MTV.  One of the annoying things to me is that it has always been aired pre-taped.  I mean, really, can it being live be any worse than the live steaming piles they have graced us with over the years from some of the Video Awards shows they have aired?

Be careful of what you wish for — Karma is always listening…

For 2007, MTV decided to air it live — GREAT!!!!

For 2007, MTV got Sarah Silverman to host — AWWWWW, CRAP!!!!

My good pal, Spaldy, and I have never  understood the fascination that people seem to have for Sarah Silverman (SS for the rest of this review).  She is hardly ever funny and probably owes a good bit of her career to the fact that she has been sleeping with Jimmy Kimmel.

Of course, for the first live movie awards show, I do what many others did: DVR’ed it.

See, I was at a convention all week and would not see it.  “But, Matt, just watch one of the 10,000 repeats that MTV will air until September…”  I would, except MTV sometimes edits the live broadcasts after they air, so I always go for the first showing.

The show opens with an odd filmed piece of SS’s dog turning into a jet fighter and her flying beside Johnny Knoxville to do a penile joke.  Then cut to the stage andher live jokes are even wors.  At one point, she told the audience to Google the reference to then get her joke.  UGH…

First Award is for Best Villain and it went to Jack Nicholson for “The Departed”.  Great movie and great choice, but I think Jack may have started celebrating early.  After rambling some, he leaves and we move on…

At this point, SS introduces a naked fat guy (who makes me look anorexic) that will chase off those who speak too long.  Brilliant part of the show:  The fat guy then chases SS off of the stage — Good fat guy — go eat more pizza….

Bruce Willis and Mac Guy show up to give out Best Fight scene, which goes to Gerard Butler for 300.  300 was a good movie built totally on fights — as much as I would have loved to see Will and Jon win for Blades of Glory, 300 was the right choice.

Can the overall suckitude of this show get any greater? Karma says ask and I shall deliver.  Cut to Dane Cook who will be introducing the movie spoofs of the night.  First up is “Quentin Tarantino’s Little Miss Squirtgun” — very entertaining.

Posh Spice and Chris Tucker show up to intro the first musical guest: Rianna and Jay-Z.  Time to hit triple fast-forward on the DVR.

For Best Kiss, why not bring up the people who will probably win next year: the cast of “I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry”?  MTV does and they call out Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen as the winners for Talladega Nights.  The kiss is then recreated for 5 minutes, even rolling on the ground.

Dane Cook shows up again (Why does he have a career?) to introduce spoof #2: “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Rehab” — not good at all, much like if Dane and SS made a movie together.

The Breakthrough award goes to Jaden Smith, Will Smith’s son.  Video acceptance was “ehh” and overdone by Will…

Dane again!  WHY?!?!? What did I do this week to deserve this? He intros the final spoof: “United 300″  Entertaining…

The Orbit Gum girl shows up to give the Dirtiest Mouth award to Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith for Clerks II.  Was this really news to anyone who has seen a View Askew movie?

Robin Williams, Mandy Moore, and John Krasinski come out to present the Best Comedic Performance.  Proving again that the world of comedy is very broad, it goes to Sacha Baron Cohen for Borat, a character I can not stand.  Oh well, MTV once thought Pauly Shore was funny….

To follow that award with the PSA about Boratits was the highlight of the show for me — well played, MTV, well played…

Cameron Diaz then walks out fresh from bed, based on her (lack of) dress — Lord knows I woke up at this point.  She is out presenting the Generations award to Mike Myers.  This is tough because he does good characters for a movie or two and then kills them by going one movie too far.  It was nice seeing clips form “So I Married An Axe Murderer”.

For Best Spoof, Samuel L. Jackson comes out and tells the winner that he/she better cast him in a movie.  Gotta love Sam.  The award goes to  “United 300″ — not a bad choice.

Bruce Willis comes back out to intro the other musical guest: Amy Whinehouse.  After 30 seconds, I hit triple fast-forward again.

Eva Mendes and Seth Rogen come out to give the Best Summer Movie That Hasn’t Been Seen Yet — out of the choices, are we surprised to hear “Transformers”?  Particularly after all of the subliminal stuff MTV has been doing all night?

The Transformers cast stays out to award the Best Performance to Johnny Depp for Pirates 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Finally, we reach the end of the show with one award left: Best Movie — the cast from Hairspray gives it to Pirates 2.  Not a bad choice, but not my first choice.

So, the show ends and I am left wondering if, like the Video Awards, the Movie Awards have become irrelevant in today’s MTV market?  Neither show can shock us anymore and both are showing their ages.  Or maybe it is simply another sign that I have long outgrown MTV…

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